Chris- Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 The writing is on the wall for our good friend, Wade...His city is infested with MAGA chuds, his roommate is drinking her own pee, shots are regularly fired outside of his luxury condo, and now Amazon is moving in next door. It's not a good situation, especially for Inuk. The good news, however, is that change is on the horizon. This thread is to officially announce Wade's interest in establishing his own HQ2, escaping the DC metro hellscape for greener pastures (metaphorical and/or physical). Interested candidates should state their case for why Wade should move to their city, with the grand prize being that Wade will actually move to your city (and let you play with Inuk). This is not a joke: Wade will actually move to your city. He's a 'federal contractor', which is literally the most amorphous job imaginable; he could telecommute from fucking Antarctica for all anyone really knows. I don't want to come in with a low-ball pitch/offer/bribe, so I'll let you gentlemen go first. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Pickle Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Come to Toronto. Our country is quite significantly less fucked up than yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 4 minutes ago, Captain Pickle said: Come to Toronto. Are country is quite significantly less fucked up than yours. I did have family in North York/Markham, but now they're all dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firewithin Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 id say come to california but there wont be anywhere to move to since its all burning down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remarkableriots Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Come to Reno, NV for all the gambling, legal brothels and 24/7 booze you could ever want! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The def star Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 4 minutes ago, Remarkableriots said: Come to Reno, NV for all the gambling, brothels and booze you could ever want! I think those are all things Wade doesn't like about his current area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 6 minutes ago, Remarkableriots said: Come to Reno, NV for all the gambling, legal brothels and 24/7 booze you could ever want! You just listed three things I have absolutely zero interest in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boyle5150 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Come to Seattle, as we have lots of rain and are very much on the far left... you can stay inside all year long and people will not judge you for your social anxieties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remarkableriots Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 13 minutes ago, SFLUFAN said: You just listed three things I have absolutely zero interest in Come to Reno for the mountain trails, ski resorts and all you can eat Sushi bars? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Move to Chicago so you can crack the whip on @Emblazon in person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLeon Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Ever had Skyline Chili? I rest my case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal-El814 Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Allow me, if I may, to win this thread. Here’s a map of the US / Canada, color coded by the percentage of Slavic people per state / province. Everything not gray is DQ’d based on the percentage of Slavic people. Canada and Utah are out based on the proliferation of white people. Let’s also discard Hawaii due it its proximity to Japan. Alabama and Georgia are Florida adjacent, so they’re a hard pass. Wade doesn’t seem like the type to tolerate anything Carolinian, so NC and SC are cooked. Tennessee is ALSO getting Amazon’d, so fuck Tennessee. Oklahoma is where dreams go to die after having been on life support in Arkansas, so they’re gone, too. This leaves us with Kentucky and Louisiana. Kentucky, like his Virginia, is a commonwealth and there IS comfort in the familiar. Yet it is also home to Mitch McConnell, noted tentacle twat. This brings us to Louisiana. New Orleans doesn’t seem like his speed, which leads us to Baton Rouge. Therefore, Wade’s new home is Baton Rouge, Louisiana. QED, Fin, a play in three acts. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 I do enjoy gumbo and jambalaya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remarkableriots Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 7 minutes ago, SFLUFAN said: I do enjoy gumbo and jambalaya! Say hello to your new neighbors! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 15 minutes ago, Remarkableriots said: Say hello to your new neighbors! I'm a native of South Florida who lived practically next to the Everglades and a graduate of the University of Florida that actually has alligators in the on-campus lakes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remarkableriots Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 1 minute ago, SFLUFAN said: I'm a native of South Florida who lived practically next to the Everglades and a graduate of the University of Florida that actually has alligators in the on-campus lakes Do you like boiled peanuts? I miss those from when I lived in Hudson, FL a long time ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentbob Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 New Orleans is just too fucking hot in the summer. I was only there for a week in the French Quarter and woke up to 108F every morning at mid June. I think with humidex we got to 142F once or twice. I did like Austin, Texas and I have a cousin who lives there. Sure it gets hot in the summer but you have lots of cool shit happening there. or another vote for the Toronto. Greener pastures with legal weed, but we now have 2 sports teams that is giving us championship hope. The Blue Jays is another story but I like wearing their gear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 If you come to my city there are plenty of Trump supporters and Gun nuts for you to troll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 San Diego is good for dogs and I promise you won't get burned by fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bacon Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Uh, don't come here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 9 minutes ago, Bacon said: Uh, don't come here. Go there and Bacon will give you all the frozen pizza you can handle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 3 hours ago, Kal-El814 said: Allow me, if I may, to win this thread. Here’s a map of the US / Canada, color coded by the percentage of Slavic people per state / province. Everything not gray is DQ’d based on the percentage of Slavic people. Canada and Utah are out based on the proliferation of white people. Let’s also discard Hawaii due it its proximity to Japan. Alabama and Georgia are Florida adjacent, so they’re a hard pass. Wade doesn’t seem like the type to tolerate anything Carolinian, so NC and SC are cooked. Tennessee is ALSO getting Amazon’d, so fuck Tennessee. Oklahoma is where dreams go to die after having been on life support in Arkansas, so they’re gone, too. This leaves us with Kentucky and Louisiana. Kentucky, like his Virginia, is a commonwealth and there IS comfort in the familiar. Yet it is also home to Mitch McConnell, noted tentacle twat. This brings us to Louisiana. New Orleans doesn’t seem like his speed, which leads us to Baton Rouge. Therefore, Wade’s new home is Baton Rouge, Louisiana. QED, Fin, a play in three acts. Wade could always go back to his island roots and move to Puerto Rico. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bacon Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Jason said: Wade could always go back to his island roots and move to Puerto Rico. He could move to Tahiti and become a Mango farmer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stepee Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 4 hours ago, Kal-El814 said: Allow me, if I may, to win this thread. Here’s a map of the US / Canada, color coded by the percentage of Slavic people per state / province. Everything not gray is DQ’d based on the percentage of Slavic people. Canada and Utah are out based on the proliferation of white people. Let’s also discard Hawaii due it its proximity to Japan. Alabama and Georgia are Florida adjacent, so they’re a hard pass. Wade doesn’t seem like the type to tolerate anything Carolinian, so NC and SC are cooked. Tennessee is ALSO getting Amazon’d, so fuck Tennessee. Oklahoma is where dreams go to die after having been on life support in Arkansas, so they’re gone, too. This leaves us with Kentucky and Louisiana. Kentucky, like his Virginia, is a commonwealth and there IS comfort in the familiar. Yet it is also home to Mitch McConnell, noted tentacle twat. This brings us to Louisiana. New Orleans doesn’t seem like his speed, which leads us to Baton Rouge. Therefore, Wade’s new home is Baton Rouge, Louisiana. QED, Fin, a play in three acts. This is the best post on d1p in at least the last two years. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris- Posted November 14, 2018 Author Share Posted November 14, 2018 Ok, time to throw Pittsburgh’s hat into the ring. - A competent NFL franchise - A nice selection of ethnic restaurants. Don’t want your food cooked by a white man? No problem! - I live here - Lower COL; you will live like a fucking God Emperor on your salary - Since I live here, I will dog sit Inuk literally any time you need - Many good pillows Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foosh Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Bay Area. There's a ton of people you want to kill here. You may enjoy it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 14 hours ago, stepee said: This is the best post on d1p in at least the last two years. Don't encourage him, he might start thinking he's people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Kal conveniently left out the lower third of North America from that map. I was just there two weeks ago visiting my wife's family and let me tell you, I did not see a single Slav, there is enough hot sauce to make your butthole weep, and the COL makes Louisiana look pricey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysDyingX Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Come to Philly where we can throw snowballs and batteries at Santa. Pay no mind to the ridiculous city wage tax or the soda tax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretzel Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 On 11/14/2018 at 4:18 PM, BasemntDweller2 said: Come to Philly where we can throw snowballs and batteries at Santa. Pay no mind to the ridiculous city wage tax or the soda tax. I don’t know how anyone lives in Philly. The traffic is terrible. 76 sucks nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysDyingX Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 28 minutes ago, Pretzel said: I don’t know how anyone lives in Philly. The traffic is terrible. 76 sucks nuts. Not if you work 7am-3pm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slug Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 21 minutes ago, Pretzel said: I don’t know how anyone lives in Philly. The traffic is terrible. 76 sucks nuts. Compared to the DMV traffic here in Philly is a joke. Philly is affordable, has an amazing food scene, arts for days, and is super convenient. It's like the ultimate rest stop between D.C. and New York. You're never more than a couple hours from anywhere that matters. The public transport is solid. And it's stacked with history. Tons of festivals and events all year. Live music somewhere pretty much 24/7. Incredible parks systems; Fairmount is huge. Lots of green space. The bad rap it gets about it's sports fans aside, Philadelphia is actually a pretty great town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretzel Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 I drive in there every day to the Coke plant on Erie Ave. I don’t get to see a lot of art in that part of town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris- Posted November 21, 2018 Author Share Posted November 21, 2018 Wade is in the DC metro, he's well accustomed to terrible sports fans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Just now, Chris- said: Wade is in the DC metro, he's well accustomed to terrible sports fans. And I'm originally from South Florida so I have double the experience Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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