Best Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 When it came to tech, that boy was extremely knowledgeable on everything. He was my go to person when ever discussing graphics and visual settings. But it was his positive energy that was really something to admire. He could play the shittiest game ever made and he would be positive in his impressions. 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaysWho? Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 57 minutes ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: From my experiences with grief, it's not so much that grief necessarily gets "better" with time. I'd like to say that grief becomes "manageable" or "different" (rather than "better") as that captures the idea that it's not a static experience - it continues to shape and evolve as we shape and evolve through our lives. But what's absolutely true as @Massdriver poignantly stated is that there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to how we experience grief, far from it. Grief is perhaps the most complex of all human emotional experiences. On the bold: One of my brother's best friends died of AIDS I think in 2004. On a cool side note, he was part of the Make-A-Wish program and got to meet the cast of Star Trek: Voyager as his wish, and his sister still has contact with some of them last I checked. After my friend died in 2016, I talked with my brother about his friend who died in 04 and asked when things get back to normal. He said in his experience, it doesn't goes back to normal because the person is no longer in your life, which obviously wasn't normal when they were alive. But it becomes "manageable" because you accept that they're gone and come to terms with it. To the grief being unique from person to person: who dies, your relationship with them, etc., I heard losing a spouse felt worse than losing a parent. My aunt felt terrible at least a year after my uncle died and probably much longer. And I don't even want to know any version of losing a child. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaysWho? Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 Also, I know it's Sesame Street, but this Big Bird coping with Mr. Hooper dying is applicable to anyone: It's just missing the part later where a newborn hatches at the end. EDIT: Oh here it is! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickey Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 Shitty. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 1 hour ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: From my experiences with grief, it's not so much that grief necessarily gets "better" with time. I'd like to say that grief becomes "manageable" or "different" (rather than "better") as that captures the idea that it's not a static experience - it continues to shape and evolve as we shape and evolve through our lives. But what's absolutely true as @Massdriver poignantly stated is that there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to how we experience grief, far from it. Grief is perhaps the most complex of all human emotional experiences with reactions that run the gamut from quiet contemplation to uncontrollably messy weeping (my standard reaction). I like a metaphor for grief I saw on Bluesky recently. It was that the grief is a box with a ball bouncing around in it and a button the ball can hit that triggers the pain of the grief. When the grief is new the box is small so the ball is constantly hitting the button, then over time the box expands so the ball is less likely to hit the button, but the button getting hit less often doesn't necessarily mean it sucks any less when the button does get hit. 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spawn_of_Apathy Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 26 minutes ago, SaysWho? said: He said in his experience, it doesn't goes back to normal because the person is no longer in your life, which obviously wasn't normal when they were alive. But it becomes "manageable" because you accept that they're gone and come to terms with it. yeah, it feels more like having developed or become accustomed to a new normal. It will never be like it was. You just adapt to what is. My mom has been gone for 29 years now. I don’t remember her face unless I look at an old picture and I haven’t been able to remember her voice for longer than I heard it. There are moments I still feel nearly overwhelmed, but mostly when I actually talk about it, like here. Most days I don’t feel anything at all about it. In my day to day I am so far removed from it. At a certain point I didn’t need to remind myself “mom didn’t need anything this morning. She’s not here”. The routine changed. It’s like a wound that hurts when you poke it or bump it with something. Most of the time you could forget it’s there, but it is never fully gone. When you touch it or something smacks into it, and something will, it will feel like it never healed for a bit. at least that has been my experience. Other people’s milage may vary. Relationships and circumstances are why grief isn’t one size fits all. “It get’s better” doesn’t really feel right most of the time. It can get easier. Easier to enjoy the things you love without breaking down at the realization of who isn’t there. Easier to make a joke about it without feeling like you stabbed yourself in the process. Easier to do the things you need to do to live. Easier to see other people go through something similar and not become a mess, and tell them it will get easier. Even when they cannot fathom how. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 This upcoming Christmas Day will mark a decade since my best friend passed away while on a holiday with his family in Hawaii. In the weeks after his funeral, his widow and I attended grief counselling sessions at the Catholic church they attended. At one of the sessions, the counselor gave this analogy to describe the process of grieving and how it becomes manageable: Imagine the loved who has passed as standing on the dock while you're standing on the stern of a boat that has cast off from that dock, and is slowly moving out to sea. At first, you don't notice any real difference as the person standing at the dock looks to be the same size as before and the pain of their loss looms as large as it did when they first passed on. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, the distance between the boat and the dock increases, and the lost loved one and the pain of that loss correspondingly appears to shrink in size. They haven't really shrunk in size, of course, but it's the distance between that makes it appear so The person will never, ever be gone, nor the pain of their passing, but the distance will give us the grace to continue. 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 3 hours ago, Spawn_of_Apathy said: “It gets better” doesn’t really feel right most of the time. It can get easier. Easier to enjoy the things you love without breaking down at the realization of who isn’t there. Easier to make a joke about it without feeling like you stabbed yourself in the process. Easier to do the things you need to do to live. Easier to see other people go through something similar and not become a mess, and tell them it will get easier. Even when they cannot fathom how. This is easily one of the most meaningful, beautiful things I've ever seen posted on this board and I really, really thank you for that! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 I’m really appreciating this series of posts about how grief evolves over time. Thank you guys. I really just want to feel better because this is awful. Then I feel bad saying that because I don’t want to ever feel okay about him being gone. I just want him to not be gone at all. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 5 minutes ago, Andrea said: I’m really appreciating this series of posts about how grief evolves over time. Thank you guys. I really just want to feel better because this is awful. Then I feel bad saying that because I don’t want to ever feel okay about him being gone. I want him to not be gone at all. You shouldn't feel bad about anything you're experencing at all. All of it is a natural part of grief. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal-El814 Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 1 hour ago, Andrea said: I’m really appreciating this series of posts about how grief evolves over time. Thank you guys. I really just want to feel better because this is awful. Then I feel bad saying that because I don’t want to ever feel okay about him being gone. I just want him to not be gone at all. I’ve been attending something similar to al-anon meetings for a while and one of the things that’s often difficult to appreciate, or at least was for me initially, was that grief, sadness, anger… really any emotion that comes as the result of a loss… doesn’t really come in “sizes.” Some people go through something that seems lesser than what someone else is going through but they’ll react more strongly to that, or other people go through what I assume would be insurmountable for me and seem like they manage it better than my stuff. That’s not really how it works even though those feelings are pretty natural. One thing that really stuck with me was a mother talking about how she lost her son to addiction something like 25 years ago. One of the hardest things for her after the event itself was a day where she woke up, made breakfast, and stared running errands… she realized mid-morning that it was the first time she’d woke up and didn’t immediately think about her loss. She felt crushing guilt for having “moved on.” She hadn’t, of course, but I can appreciate that feeling and the worst aspect of its implications must have felt horrible. My best friend lost his wife to a car accident what will be 13 years ago this fall. Sometimes that feels like a million years ago and other times it feels much more recent. And you know… that didn’t happen “to me.” This is a long winded way of saying that there’s no right way to grieve. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 Another day down in this new reality. Going back to work tomorrow so that will hopefully be a welcome distraction. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 6 hours ago, Spawn_of_Apathy said: You just adapt to what is. My mom has been gone for 29 years now. I don’t remember her face unless I look at an old picture and I haven’t been able to remember her voice for longer than I heard it. I've shared a similar story before but not quite as the same as you. I occasionally have dreams of my dad. I totally recognize him but the odd thing is he never talks, he's just along for the ride. I told my mom about this and she said that the same thing happens to her. She dreams of her dad but he doesn't speak either. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoberChef Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 13 hours ago, Spork3245 said: I’ve been hoping for this to be a massive troll job since Saturday. I’d be furious but also happy. Pretty sure there would be a line around the block to punch @stepeeright in the dick & he'd totally understand. Now I'm mad I can't do this, as so many others have surmised that he's packing, a good few dozen punches would make it swell nicely. A fair trade for this in lieu of the actual reality, where we all remain sans punchable phallus. (Joke may not land, but I tried!) 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spawn_of_Apathy Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 9 hours ago, Keyser_Soze said: I've shared a similar story before but not quite as the same as you. I occasionally have dreams of my dad. I totally recognize him but the odd thing is he never talks, he's just along for the ride. I told my mom about this and she said that the same thing happens to her. She dreams of her dad but he doesn't speak either. I had one of those dreams a couple years after her death when I was in high school. Weird dream. A T-Rex bit my neighbor clean in half while he was watering his lawn. Getting into the house required going through a labyrinth beneath the house. A smaller T-rex ate a “friend” as we were trying to get back in. Mom was in the kitchen. No face and wouldn’t say anything either. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 10 hours ago, Keyser_Soze said: I've shared a similar story before but not quite as the same as you. I occasionally have dreams of my dad. I totally recognize him but the odd thing is he never talks, he's just along for the ride. I told my mom about this and she said that the same thing happens to her. She dreams of her dad but he doesn't speak either. It's exactly the same when my brother is in my dreams. He never speaks but he's with me in a lot of my dreams. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 Looks like he's still with us for the moment. He's just away right now 🥹 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 16 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said: Looks like he's still with us for the moment. He's just away right now 🥹 Oh...this hit me really, really hard 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 My session with the psychologist went about as I expected it to, but it I really, really needed it 5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 That makes me sad. I guess he’s got a laptop plugged in somewhere still probably. Called out of work again today. I have fucking Covid on top of all of this too jfc. 5 minutes ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: My session with the psychologist went about as I expected it to, but it I really, really needed it I’m glad it was what you needed. I should book a session with mine. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eventide11 Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 12 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said: Looks like he's still with us for the moment. He's just away right now 🥹 Damn. It's the little things like that 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 I'm still trying to figure out a way to get in touch with Kyle to let him know so I can request that a tribute be read on the show. I'm leaning towards joining the Patreon at the tier that would grant access to their Discord server and then work from there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 I reached out to my local church and requested a prayer to be done in his honor. Will be my first time attending a mass in a couple of years. 3 1 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggie Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 Maybe it’s just me but I feel we are all being alot more caring toward each other and I hope it continues. Regardless of differences we may have we all have been internet friends for a very long time. I visit D1P every day and I enjoy talking with all of you. Thanks for being in my life. 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 57 minutes ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: I'm still trying to figure out a way to get in touch with Kyle to let him know so I can request that a tribute be read on the show. I'm leaning towards joining the Patreon at the tier that would grant access to their Discord server and then work from there. Maybe a donation message during one of his twitch streams. People usually read those. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 2 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said: Maybe a donation message during one of his twitch streams. People usually read those. That's an idea though I'd actually have to use Twitch 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 1 minute ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: That's an idea though I'd actually have to use Twitch Wade figuring out how to use Twitch 9 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggie Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 7 minutes ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: That's an idea though I'd actually have to use Twitch You really don’t use it? Man I’m on Twitch everyday. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 34 minutes ago, Brian said: I reached out to my local church and requested a prayer to be done in his honor. Will be my first time attending a mass in a couple of years. Were they able to accommodate the mass intention that quickly? Usually the first available are months out. The first available open slot for mass intentions in my local parish is Christmas Eve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spawn_of_Apathy Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 20 minutes ago, Biggie said: Maybe it’s just me but I feel we are all being alot more caring toward each other and I hope it continues. Regardless of differences we may have we all have been internet friends for a very long time. I visit D1P every day and I enjoy talking with all of you. Thanks for being in my life. at least in this thread. Outside of here it’s gloves off. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 37 minutes ago, Biggie said: Maybe it’s just me but I feel we are all being alot more caring toward each other and I hope it continues. Regardless of differences we may have we all have been internet friends for a very long time. I visit D1P every day and I enjoy talking with all of you. Thanks for being in my life. I thought that too. My toxic ass showed up and everyone is being nice to even me 💀. Even though I decided it was best to move on I am still grateful for this place and it gave me wonderful people like Stephen, and through him I met my dear friend Nyla. And this place gave me @Brian and also my husband. Not sure how long I will stick around but I’ll definitely be here to give updates on Stephen’s final arrangements and whatnot and help with whatever we end up deciding on doing to show some love and support to his family. I think no matter what our differences are, one thing we have in common is we all love @stepee. 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 Just now, Andrea said: Not sure how long I will stick around Well you're contracted to be here on September 2nd so at least until then. (Just don't look at that thread Stepee made about it, what a stark contrast to what's happening now. ) 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 42 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said: Well you're contracted to be here on September 2nd so at least until then. (Just don't look at that thread Stepee made about it, what a stark contrast to what's happening now. ) lol I knew he made it. The joke was that he was going to hype up my return and then I wouldn’t actually return. But that plan changed, and here I am 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 27 Author Share Posted August 27 As I began speaking about @stepee during my session with Dr. Decker earlier today, I couldn't help but start to cry as I spoke about what a wonderful, joyous, generous soul he will always be and what he meant to this community which really is a "found family" in every sense of the phrase. Dr. Decker started crying as well. 1 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crispy4000 Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 2 hours ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said: Were they able to accommodate the mass intention that quickly? Usually the first available are months out. The first available open slot for mass intentions in my local parish is Christmas Eve. Maybe for a Sunday mass, but for a daily mass, there's probably room. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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