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Official First Portrait of King Charles is Unveiled, is the Most Horror Game Madness Painting Ever


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A psychedelic sea of lurid reds and a clunking monarch butterfly cannot save this superficially observed and carelessly executed bland banality

 

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It’s tempting to laugh at this painting, but if you care about art it’s a bit sad too. Yeo seems to be saying that painting itself is just a cheery bit of fakery and razzle dazzle. Who cares about truth when you can beautify? A serious portrait would look hard and long at Charles (or anyone), not combine facile pseudo-portraiture with the cheery serotonin of random colour. We all know the king is more complex than this. The king knows he is more complex than this. It is a masterpiece of shallowness by an artist so ludicrously upbeat he should be called Jonathan Yo!

 

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The royal portrait by Jonathan Yeo has caused a stir online. It’s confused and unaccountably frightening, our critic writes.

 

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Oh dear, really? It could be worse, I suppose. But I’ve spent a little time looking at images of Jonathan Yeo’s confused, obsequious, oversized and unaccountably frightening portrait of King Charles III. And after trying to like it (a critic’s first responsibility), I’ve realized it’s as bad as I first thought.

 

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Honestly, I think it's iconic. In a good or bad way I can't really say. I don't know anything about art, but I'm pretty confident that if you see a lineup of royal portraits this one is going to stand out.

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Like all Brits I wake up every day and give thanks for our monarchy, before making a cup of tea, nodding at my shrine to Princess Diana, and applying some Duchy-branded resin to the old upper lip. When my day is done the last act is to listen to the shipping forecast, awaiting the glorious moment when "God save the King" lulls me to sleep, perchance to dream of this sceptred isle.

 

Anyway: last year saw the coronation of the UK's current monarch, King Charles III (for it is he). One of the many traditions the nation upholds (and frankly one of the less weird ones) is commissioning a top artist to paint the odd picture of them, and on Tuesday May 14 the first official portrait of Charles was unveiled by the king himself.

 

The painting is by Jonathan Yeo, who's alongside Charles as the monarch pulls down the drape covering the frankly enormous portrait. As is the style, the unveiling takes place in a giant gold-spangled room the size of a hangar, and when the drape falls you can see Charles flinch like the British folk hero Brave Sir Robin. As for the picture itself…

 

My first thought was Cainhurst. This location in Bloodborne can be summed up as 'FromSoftware does Castlevania' and is the now-ruined castle of a vampire-style monarchy, reviled by most other groups in Yharnam, and decked out in all the opulence and faded grandeur you can shake a ceremonial staff at. I think it's the deep reds from which the face emerges: this just looks exactly like the kind of thing you find on the wall in such places.

 

 

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The red theme dominates, with only Charles' face and hands presented in more natural colors, and I'm far from the only person to have made the link to games because, let's be honest, this is the kind of picture you usually get of an upcoming boss: the military dress outfit and ceremonial sword are just the icing on the cake.

 

Or as Demonfiretanto put it, "This the type of shit you see hanging on top of a guy's throne in Elden Ring and then the dude's called 'Morgorem, Bloodrot Baron' and he lives in the 'Sanguine Temple of Decay'".

 

"All that's missing is a Dark Souls health bar," says Cameron Keywood, "CHARLES, KING OF RICHMOND FINGERS". Richmond is a reference to a popular British sausage manufacturer. Eric Arthur Blair, no less, returns from the grave to suggest that "it's a Dark Souls gimmick boss where it turns out you can only damage Charles by attacking the butterfly."

 

 

 

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