Anyone else suffer from suicidal thoughts daily like me?

[Best]

Does anyone else have enough pain in their life that suicide comes to mind at least a few times daily?

 

I really struggle with it and quite frankly don't want to be on this earth. My mom just said that suicide is the easy way out and I blatantly told her it's absolutely not. It takes some serious balls to kill yourself. 

 

I just don't have any type of future or real life companions so I'm really lonely and completely broken from losing my twin brother. 

 

I will never recover from 2017 and ever since then my life has been utter shit. 

[Dodger]

It’s not that bad but I currently live alone and it sucks. Does make me wonder what I’m doing here sometimes and I end up drinking a lot just out of sheer boredom. Trying to stop that and get into fitness, shit if nothing else just to give me something to do.

[Best]

19 minutes ago, Dodger said:

It’s not that bad but I currently live alone and it sucks. Does make me wonder what I’m doing here sometimes and I end up drinking a lot just out of sheer boredom. Trying to stop that and get into fitness, shit if nothing else just to give me something to do.

 

Yea I am an alcoholic and have the urge to drink daily. I actually slipped up a few months ago and had a binge night. I think loneliness is a key factor but I had a dream of my brother last night that really hit hard for me. I woke up crying this morning and the fact that I don't know if I'm ever going to see him ever again is extremely devastating.

 

I feel for you and you seem like a really good dude. Sorry to hear you're struggling. 

[Biggie]

I never think about killing myself. My middle sister did that the day after thanksgiving and I know how much pain that brings the people who love and care about you. That being said I do think to myself sometimes it wouldn’t be so bad to say my prayers, go to sleep, and pass away peacefully. I don’t think this  everyday just when things get really tough in real life and the thought of having to grind until I’m old as fuck hits me hard mentally. My good days far out weigh my bad ones. I’m a lucky one. 

[Best]

17 minutes ago, Biggie said:

I never think about killing myself. My middle sister did that the day after thanksgiving and I know how much pain that brings the people who love and care about you. That being said I do think to myself sometimes it wouldn’t be so bad to say my prayers, go to sleep, and pass away peacefully. I don’t think this  everyday just when things get really tough in real life and the thought of having to grind until I’m old as fuck hits me hard mentally. My good days far out weigh my bad ones. I’m a lucky one. 

 

I really hate that I think the way that I do. Suicide is an awful thing and even though I get help through therapy these thoughts don't go away. Today is just worse than most days for me so that's why I created this thread. I'm glad you're pretty healthy mentally and honest. 

[TheLeon]

It’s not something I think about in earnest, but it pops up in intrusive thoughts pretty regularly. It sucks. 

[Biggie]

1 hour ago, best3444 said:

 

I really hate that I think the way that I do. Suicide is an awful thing and even though I get help through therapy these thoughts don't go away. Today is just worse than most days for me so that's why I created this thread. I'm glad you're pretty healthy mentally and honest. 

You can always talk to me buddy. 

[Biggie]

What the fuck @best3444  What happened to your picture?  I need that shit eating grin staring back at me when I post something. 

[Best]

36 minutes ago, Biggie said:

What the fuck @best3444  What happened to your picture?  I need that shit eating grin staring back at me when I post something. 

 

I realized I was the only person on here with a real photo of themselves in the icon. So I changed it. 

[SuperSpreader]

I felt that way after my dog passed away.

 

I didn't feel like living with him taken away so soon, I never thought I'd feel that way. 2 1/2 yr later I'm doing better. Sometimes I feel like "oh I'm tired, I wish it could just turn off" but that's mainly my career. I'm hoping to retire within 10yr if I can. Completely over it at this point. I just want to sit quietly for like 5yr and work out.

[Bacon]

Nope. I suffer from random bouts of existential dread that make me wish I could live forever tho. A few months ago, I'm pretty sure I almost had a panic attack while taking a shit because I somehow started thinking about the nothingness that comes after death, again. That always causes me to feel like shit whenever my mind wanders in that direction.

 

I can't help you with suicidal depression, but I can make you feel like shit for having those thoughts so you'll feel really guilty about feeling the way that you do.

[Best]

5 minutes ago, Bacon said:

Nope. I suffer from random bouts of existential dread that make me wish I could live forever tho. A few months ago, I'm pretty sure I almost had a panic attack while taking a shit because I somehow started thinking about the nothingness that comes after death, again. That always causes me to feel like shit whenever my mind wanders in that direction.

 

I can't help you with suicidal depression, but I can make you feel like shit for having those thoughts so you'll feel really guilty about feeling the way that you do.

 

That's unfortunate you feel and think that there is nothingness when we pass. You will be pleasantly surprised.

[Biggie]

17 minutes ago, best3444 said:

 

I realized I was the only person on here with a real photo of themselves in the icon. So I changed it. 

Huh? Mine is real

[Best]

Just now, Biggie said:

Huh? Mine is real

 

I can't imagine you with a different icon. It would be so weird lol. 

[Haya Dune]

 

[DarkStar189]

Life definitely gets hard. It can feel overwhelming and eventually feel pointless. You fall down that hole in your mind, wondering what's the point...is there a point to any of this? It's best not to get lost in those thoughts.  Best thing I can recommend is to stay busy. Give yourself a purpose. Find something that might give people a reason to count on you. Volunteer or get involved in something local that helps people in your community in some way. I can't say I've ever felt truly suicidal. I've definitely had points in my life where I felt down and out. Biggest thing that helped me was having kids. They really rely on you as a parent so I have to make sure I'm there every single day for them as long as I possibly can.  

In your case, you said life has sucked since 2017. The years did add up since then...but its only been 7 years. 7 years flys by.  You could fall out of this slump sooner than you think and have another 30-40 years left in you. Who knows where life will take you.  Just try to find a purpose.  We're all here suffering in some way right along with you!

[DarkStar189]

5 hours ago, Bacon said:

Nope. I suffer from random bouts of existential dread that make me wish I could live forever tho. A few months ago, I'm pretty sure I almost had a panic attack while taking a shit because I somehow started thinking about the nothingness that comes after death, again. That always causes me to feel like shit whenever my mind wanders in that direction.

 

I can't help you with suicidal depression, but I can make you feel like shit for having those thoughts so you'll feel really guilty about feeling the way that you do.

The mind is a powerful thing.  I've had quite a few times lately where I think about death. Mostly because I'm realizing I'm getting older, my parents are getting older, people I see on tv are older. My mind goes all over the place thinking about what happens when you die. Do the lights just go out? Is your soul a little ball of energy that goes zipping through the universe? Who knows! One time I legit felt dizzy for a second and had that panic attack feeling. Had to quickly focus on something else and move on with my day haha.

[Best]

11 hours ago, Haya Dune said:

 

 

This honestly is about as enthusiastic as I get in a entire month. 

[Best]

10 hours ago, DarkStar189 said:

Life definitely gets hard. It can feel overwhelming and eventually feel pointless. You fall down that hole in your mind, wondering what's the point...is there a point to any of this? It's best not to get lost in those thoughts.  Best thing I can recommend is to stay busy. Give yourself a purpose. Find something that might give people a reason to count on you. Volunteer or get involved in something local that helps people in your community in some way. I can't say I've ever felt truly suicidal. I've definitely had points in my life where I felt down and out. Biggest thing that helped me was having kids. They really rely on you as a parent so I have to make sure I'm there every single day for them as long as I possibly can.  

In your case, you said life has sucked since 2017. The years did add up since then...but its only been 7 years. 7 years flys by.  You could fall out of this slump sooner than you think and have another 30-40 years left in you. Who knows where life will take you.  Just try to find a purpose.  We're all here suffering in some way right along with you!

 

Yea, definitely having a wife and kids who rely on you is huge in keeping your sanity.

 

I don't even have a job atm so I litteraly have nothing to keep me motivated. I appreciate the words of wisdom. I do try to tell myself that I'm basically at halftime in my life and there's an entire half yet to go. 

[Biggie]

23 minutes ago, best3444 said:

 

Yea, definitely having a wife and kids who rely on you is huge in keeping your sanity.

 

I don't even have a job atm so I litteraly have nothing to keep me motivated. I appreciate the words of wisdom. I do try to tell myself that I'm basically at halftime in my life and there's an entire half yet to go. 

Huh? A wife and kids would literally drive me over the edge. 

[Best]

59 minutes ago, Biggie said:

Huh? A wife and kids would literally drive me over the edge. 

 

Having a family is extremely important to like 85% of human beings. We were created this way. I know you have no desire for a family but I do and I hate being lonely. 

 

So you don't even want a woman? I thought you're lonely?

[Biggie]

14 minutes ago, best3444 said:

 

Having a family is extremely important to like 85% of human beings. We were created this way. I know you have no desire for a family but I do and I hate being lonely. 

 

So you don't even want a woman? I thought you're lonely?

Nah I’m good. I’d love a fuck buddy though. 

[Best]

11 minutes ago, Biggie said:

Nah I’m good. I’d love a fuck buddy though. 

 

I think you're a rare breed then. I don't think most humans want to be alone. 

[gamer.tv]

I’m very lucky that I don’t experience overwhelmingly negative thoughts, though at times the odd intrusive thought relating to parental anxiety. 

[Best]

1 hour ago, gamer.tv said:

I’m very lucky that I don’t experience overwhelmingly negative thoughts, though at times the odd intrusive thought relating to parental anxiety. 

 

You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders and have a lot of things going on in your life. Being a father, husband, teacher, and having an exercise program is really awesome. 

[Biggie]

Doing better? @best3444

[GoldenTongue]

On 5/11/2024 at 11:31 AM, best3444 said:

Does anyone else have enough pain in their life that suicide comes to mind at least a few times daily?

 

I really struggle with it and quite frankly don't want to be on this earth. My mom just said that suicide is the easy way out and I blatantly told her it's absolutely not. It takes some serious balls to kill yourself. 

 

I just don't have any type of future or real life companions so I'm really lonely and completely broken from losing my twin brother. 

 

I will never recover from 2017 and ever since then my life has been utter shit. 

I'm sorry to hear that your life is feeling so devoid of meaning.

 

I can't say that I've ever really thought about suicide in much detail, although there have been a few instances of suicidal ideations at certain points in my life.  For me, it wasn't as much a desire to leave the earth, as it was a desperation-fueled hunger to escape from pain, loneliness, isolation, and/or the problems that I knew on some level I was causing through my own maladaptive coping strategies.

 

There are any number of platitudes I could offer, and while many are true, my own experience in recovery is that if someone isn't in a place to be able to hear and accept them, they come across as patronizing or dismissive.

 

You mentioned some of the sources of your pain - can you talk a bit about what you've done to try to resolve them?

 

And in terms of suggestions, I'll offer only one that was recommended to me at one point: spend some time taking a moral inventory, writing out your personal defects.  BUT - for every defect, try to find something positive that you can say about yourself. I recongize that knowing the existence of one's positive qualities doesn't always correlate to understanding/believing them to really be true, but the exercise was helpful for me, in terms of helping me find a starting point for defining my sense of purpose, and once I had that, it made it much easier to build from there.

Feel free to reach out via PM if you ever want to chat.  You've mentioned identifying with me as a fellow addict, so to borrow from the program, miseries shared are miseries diffused.

 

Take care, and stay strong.

[Best]

49 minutes ago, Biggie said:

Doing better? @best3444

 

Yea, having better days. Thanks. 

 

I did something very nice for my mother on mother's day that helped a lot.

 

11 minutes ago, GoldenTongue said:

I'm sorry to hear that your life is feeling so devoid of meaning.

 

I can't say that I've ever really thought about suicide in much detail, although there have been a few instances of suicidal ideations at certain points in my life.  For me, it wasn't as much a desire to leave the earth, as it was a desperation-fueled hunger to escape from pain, loneliness, isolation, and/or the problems that I knew on some level I was causing through my own maladaptive coping strategies.

 

There are any number of platitudes I could offer, and while many are true, my own experience in recovery is that if someone isn't in a place to be able to hear and accept them, they come across as patronizing or dismissive.

 

You mentioned some of the sources of your pain - can you talk a bit about what you've done to try to resolve them?

 

And in terms of suggestions, I'll offer only one that was recommended to me at one point: spend some time taking a moral inventory, writing out your personal defects.  BUT - for every defect, try to find something positive that you can say about yourself. I recongize that knowing the existence of one's positive qualities doesn't always correlate to understanding/believing them to really be true, but the exercise was helpful for me, in terms of helping me find a starting point for defining my sense of purpose, and once I had that, it made it much easier to build from there.

Feel free to reach out via PM if you ever want to chat.  You've mentioned identifying with me as a fellow addict, so to borrow from the program, miseries shared are miseries diffused.

 

Take care, and stay strong.

 

Thank you very much for this post. I go to therapy twice a month with a new therapist that is currently working with my family dynamics. I don't speak to my identical twin brother's 9 yr old daughter which is something I need to change for not only my mental health but for the little girl's, too. 

 

I am on major medication for my depression and panic attacks. My goal is to get off them because it's turned me into a walking zombie. 

 

I need to get my self employed sooner rather than later which will help my mood.

 

I'll definitely keep you in my for any pm's if I need anything. You are a great dude and very knowledgeable so I really appreciate you looking out.