LazyPiranha

Why else would someone drink Diet Coke if not for the flavor? Microdosing sodium?

Yeah I drink Coke Zero, I’ve got no room to complain in regards to someone’s taste.

I still don’t know why anyone thought he wouldn’t. Only six presidents actively chose not to run for re-election. Besides, I imagine it would be a huge benefit to dems to NOT have to do a primary campaign and focus purely on the election itself.

Here’s a moral quandary: if Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are both stuck in a burning building, how long do you wait to call your physician because your erection has not gone away?

If Ted Cruz were dying on the side of the road and all I had to do was dial 911 to save him... I’d dial 911, show him the numbers on my screen, then make him watch as I deleted each digit and walked away.

Look if you want to sleep on top of a bunch of tiny bubbles suspended in plastic like the sad foam from a 40oz in a brown paper bag, you do you. I meanwhile, will lay myself upon the cold rolled steel that has been twisted and formed into compliance like the god damned king that I am. Now go listen to some podcast and enter your promo code while I pay full price like an absolute chad.

Am I just a pre-emptive boomer who thinks foam mattresses suck and buying one online is absurd? All I can think of with foam mattresses is the pieces of shit I slept on in my college dorm.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha This motherfucker can tweet and trump can’t!

What a fucking asshole.

Where’s the martial law? I was promised martial law?

In honor of my catholic upbringing, I will later feel guilty for the pleasure I’m taking from knowing that millions of chuds are watching and waiting for arrests only to be completely and utterly let down.

It’s delicious to watch all the chuds puss themselves over Assange and Snowden getting snubbed. Poor babies, was everything you were warned about true?

The thread perfectly matches the event. We went in with fire and passion, lashed out at a bunch of shit, attacked some people, then after a while we had no idea what to do so we’re just milling around.

As someone in the know, I have to ask: Is every mattress store selling blow out the back door or something? I never see anyone inside.

Does the NYT even know what the fuck a normal joe even is? A $2,000 exercise bike isn't exactly cheap, but it's not a goddamn Maybach or something.

Ehhhh, half of his customers will never even know about this.

Science is more powerful than god, duly noted.

On a scale of one to heresy, how angry do you think Pence is at god for Trump surviving covid?

I couldn’t name the brand of my pillows if my life depended on it.

There is a zero percent chance this woman could identify your kidneys or even tell you vaguely in the body where they are.

You guys need to think beyond the nut. This bitch stormed the capitol, stole a laptop, and is trying to sell it to Russia. The moment you closed your eyes she’d be trying to guess your Facebook password and scrolling through every text on your phone.

A life of celibacy and testicular torsion > Boebert

Perhaps we should remove them from any mission?

Do I think Trump can write?