Yea I am an alcoholic and have the urge to drink daily. I actually slipped up a few months ago and had a binge night. I think loneliness is a key factor but I had a dream of my brother last night that really hit hard for me. I woke up crying this morning and the fact that I don't know if I'm ever going to see him ever again is extremely devastating.
I feel for you and you seem like a really good dude. Sorry to hear you're struggling.